Truly Beautiful
by erinjoy29
Summary: Payson doesn't think she has what it takes to be an artistic gymnast. She feels like The Hulk. Can Sasha make her realise how beautiful she truly is?


AN: Set during Season 2. Before the finale but after Payson kissed him.

* * *

Practice, it's all she ever does now. She needs to keep increasing her DOD, she needs to be consistent, and she needs to be the best again. She can't afford not to, her family has put too much into her becoming an Olympian for her to give up because she had to start from scratch. She's Payson Keeler, and Payson Keeler needs to show up.

It must be way past dinner-time at home; and she's pretty sure everyone else is already asleep. Nobody else is here, just her. She thinks Summer must have left a few hours ago, and her Mom had left before her. Sasha is probably in his trailer, but she can't say for sure.

She can't give up yet, so she keeps repeating her floor routine. She doesn't know what, but something just doesn't feel right. Something feels off. It could be her extensions; she's still not comfortable without her power moves. The thought of blooming like a flower still makes her laugh if she lets herself think about it while doing her routine.

She does the routine twice more before she stops. She takes a deep breath and lifts her head from the final position of her routine. It was getting better, but still not right. _What's wrong with me? Why the hell can't I do this without feeling like an idiot?_ The angry thoughts going through her mind were the questions she wished someone had an answer to. Sasha had told her that she needs to _be _the flower or some nonsense like that. She didn't get it. She didn't understand any of this artistic stuff. Deep down she still didn't think herself capable of being an artistic gymnast.

Payson stands and walks over to get a drink from her gym bag. After a moment she puts her water away and just stares at the floor. As if it might make a difference to the way she was performing. _I can't take it anymore. I wish I could do it without feeling weird. I need to do it._ She sits down on the bench and stares into the distance.

It isn't just the gymnastics that's bothering her. It's everything. She's made a mess of her life. It started with not taking care of her back in the first place. She knows if she had just rested or taken the cortisone she wouldn't have fell. She wouldn't need to start again. She wouldn't be the reason her family is living apart. Then she kissed Sasha. Ever since that night, he's been distant, and she wishes she had never done it. She thinks she should have at least waited until she was 18, maybe until after the Olympics. The thought gives her hope that if she had waited until she was older, maybe one day he would have kissed her back. And the worst thing is that she's more disappointed about the Sasha situation than the gymnastics problems.

Sasha watches her from his office. He doubts she even knows he's still here. The soft light of the office lamp isn't enough to show his presence; so she goes on unaware.

Sometimes he wishes he could do it for her, so she doesn't have to go through this. He can see that it's getting to her. All this training, without even being sure she can make a full comeback. He knows she has doubts; but he believes in her. He just knows she can do it. He admires her spirit and the way it's going to make her an Olympian. He can't wait for the day she sees it too.

He watches her doing her routine. She's getting better; he can see it in every repetition. Her extensions are almost flawless, she never thinks so. She doubts herself too much. She's come a long way, but she can't see it.

He sees it every day. She walks into the gym at the crack of dawn seven days a week without fail. She practices more than any other person in the gym. Sometimes she's there for hours before the next gymnast shows up. She practices all day, but she does it the right way; she takes lunch breaks and if she needs a break because she's tired, she takes one. Despite the smile she has on her face, he can see deep down that she's sad. She feels bad that she isn't the number one gymnast at The Rock anymore. The moment he sees it in her face he can't help but feel bad too.

It's in her face again tonight and Sasha doesn't know what he's supposed to do. He doesn't think there's anything he can say to make her feel better. So he leaves her be. He watches as she starts her routine again, flying across the mat. At any moment he could let her know he's watching, could give her a compliment or tell her just where she's improved so she can focus on that for a few minutes. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to break her concentration, it doesn't feel right.

He watches her stop mid-routine. She walks over to the bench beside the mat and he watches her sit down and put her face into her hands. He walks to the door and everything is silent. And then he hears it, the quiet sobs she's trying to hide even from herself. He stands there.

Before he knows what's happening he can feel something wet sliding down his cheek. He realises it's a tear. Just watching her like this is enough to make him join her in her misery. He can't stand seeing her like this. It's gone on too long. He waits a moment and wipes the tears from his cheeks in an attempt to make them unnoticeable. He doesn't want her to see him like this.

She's still crying when he reaches the bench and stands in front of her. She jumps up when he gently rests his hand on her shoulder. They stand there, just looking at each other. She finally realises that she must look like a mess and frantically starts wiping the tears away.

"I didn't know you were here." Payson quickly stated.

"I was in the office, keeping an eye on you." He replied after a moment, hoping she wouldn't be mad that he was watching her.

"Payson, you are getting better every single minute of every single day. You're going to better than ever in no time. I just know it. Stop letting it get to you."

Payson took a deep breath. "I just don't feel like I'm graceful enough to be an artistic gymnast. You know that. It's not even just the gymnastics side of it. I compare myself to the other girls all the time. I can't just ignore my brain when it's telling me I'm not as skinny as Kaylie or as sexy as Lauren or as funny as Emily. I just can't see myself as some beautiful ballerina when the only people who think I am are my Mom and Dad. They have to say it."

Sasha didn't know what to say.

"I really am like The Hulk. Seriously, I can't do it, I just can't see it and I know that's why I'm having so much trouble doing these artistic routines. And until someone can come up with a way to turn my brain off I'm going to continue having problems with the routines and they'll never be perfect."

"Payson. Stop. You aren't like The Hulk. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of yours. The truth is, you _are_ beautiful. I don't think anybody is as skinny as Kaylie, and I think there are more than enough guys in this gym that would be willing to disagree with your comparisons between Lauren and Emily and yourself."

"That's crap Sasha. I don't need you to lie to me to make me feel better." She replied while rolling her eyes. She took a step around him and grabbed her gym-bag from the ground. She was half-way to the door when she changed her mind and turned around to confront him again. She raised her voice, "Where do you get off saying that stuff anyway? It's stupid, Sasha. Guys don't find me attractive. I'm _not_ that funny. I'm focussed and I don't have time for jokes. The real kicker is Lauren. Do you think it's funny for you to say I'm as sexy as her? I never would have expected you to lie to me Sasha."

Sasha's mouth dropped and he watched her glare at him for a few second longer before turning around and heading for the door again. He froze for a moment before he went after her. He caught up to her just as she was about to reach the door, his hand reaching out to grasp her arm and turn her around. There was a desperate tone to his voice when he spoke. "I could _never _lie to you, Payson. Never." He paused. "Payson, I... you have no idea how high a pedestal I've put you on. I seem to have it in my head that nothing can faze you, that nothing hurts you because you can ignore it. But I see now that maybe I need to make sure _you_ believe what we believe, make you see what we see... because you really are graceful and beautiful, Payson. You have no idea how beautiful you are." He couldn't believe he had just said that. He knew he should have stopped himself earlier, but the truth wanted to get out.

Payson stared at him. "Then why did you push me away." He looked confused. She figured she needed to elaborate. "When I kissed you, why did you push me away if you think I'm so beautiful?"

He definitely wasn't expecting that. "Payson, please don't ask me that. I promised I wouldn't lie to you, but there are some things, that if I say them, can't be unsaid. It's not something either of us can ignore. So think about what you're asking."

"I want an answer, Sasha. You have no idea how much it upset me. I mean, I know it was stupid. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've wished I'd waited until after the Olympics, but I still wish you hadn't pushed me away."

"You really want the truth?" She nodded, so he continued. "You are barely seventeen years old Payson. I am a thirty-two year old man. I am also your coach. It doesn't matter if I think you are the single most beautiful young woman I have ever seen because we can't be together. No matter how much I may want to kiss you, it would be a very bad idea." She watched as his eyes flashed down to her lips as he spoke before looking her in the eyes once more.

She was shocked. That was the last thing she had expected him to say. "It's not _that_ bad, you know. The age of consent in Colorado is seventeen, so if we were together it's not like anyone could have a problem with it legally." His eyes flashed at the mention of the age of consent. He knew she didn't mean it in a sexual way, but he couldn't deny that the thought had crossed his mind once, twice or a thousand times. He quickly got that thought out of his mind.

Payson waited for him to respond, but it seemed he had nothing to say. He was just staring at her, which was fast becoming something he spent a majority of his time doing.

"I'll make you a deal. We wait until after the Olympics. Then, I promise you, we can be together without anyone making a fuss."

She considered it a moment. "No."

"No?" He responded with a quirked eyebrow and a look of disbelief on his face. It appeared he hadn't read the situation correctly.

"The Olympics is a little over two years away. That's too long. I don't want to wait that long."

"Payson, we just can't be together now-"

"It's not fair Sasha!" She was getting frustrated. "My entire life I have been so focussed on gymnastics. I have given up _everything_ for gymnastics. And now gymnastics is making me miserable. I'm so angry that I have to start over. Everything has changed since I fell and you are the only thing that has stayed the same. You've been here for me in so many ways I can't even count. At the moment I love gymnastics because it's the reason I met you. But at the same time, I hate it because it's also the reason we can't be together."

He stepped forward to guide her into his arms. He held her close, so close he could smell the fragrance of flowers coming from her hair. He could feel the softness of that same hair as it rested under his head. He noticed that she fit perfectly in his arms. It was this thought that spurred him into making another offer. "Please Payson. Please understand why this can't happen now."

"I understand, Sasha. I just wish we didn't have to wait. Sorry for overreacting. Mom says it's all the hormones. I really hate hormones." She finished with a smile.

"I don't know, I kind of like your hormones." He felt her giggle against him. Sasha didn't think he'd ever heard Payson Keeler giggle in all the time he'd known her. It was adorable.

They were quiet for a few moments, just enjoying being close. Payson loved being in his arms. It made her feel safe in a way she had never felt before.

"Sasha?"

"Yes?"

"I'll agree to wait until after the Olympics under one condition."

"Okay. What is it?"

"I want a kiss; one that I can remember and hold on to until I get my gold medal. Because the moment I get off that podium I want to be able to run into your arms in front of the whole world and kiss you the exact same way we kissed two years ago. I'd just prefer if we didn't have to imitate the kiss where you push me away." The last was said with a cheeky smirk and without even looking at her he could feel it spread across her face.

"I think I can agree to that."

He lifted her head from his chest and ever so slowly leaned down. It felt like forever before their lips touched. He was hesitant at first, but as she pressed her lips to his more firmly, he ignored his brain and just enjoyed the moment. They wouldn't be able to do this again for another two years.

Apparently he was still being too hesitant for her, because he felt her arms glide over his chest as she reached up to throw them around his neck. She used their leverage to pull his head down, and therefore his lips harder onto her own. She smiled against his lips and he couldn't help but respond in kind.

Payson pulled away and attempted to look serious. "Stop that, now we have to do it again."

"That's hardly a bad thing."

She rolled her eyes and pulled him down to her again. This time, there was no hesitation. They threw themselves into the kiss, hands roaming freely and tongues battling for dominance. It was definitely a kiss that neither of them would forget for a very long time.

The vibration of Payson's phone startled them and caused them to break apart. She looked down and after a moment said, "It's my Mom. She's wondering where I am. Do you think you could give me a ride home?"

"Sure. Grab your bag and we'll go."

The ride to Payson's home was faster than either of them liked. He pulled up in the driveway and turned to her as it seemed she wasn't moving.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked hopefully.

He thought for a moment. "Payson, feel free to say no, but... would you like to have breakfast with me before you start training? I mean, it's not a date. It's just a way we could spend time together without anyone being suspicious because nothing would be going on but eating. Maybe we could even fight over the paper."

"Cute." She paused for a second. "I'd really like to have breakfast with you. I'll see you then."

"Yes. Shall we say the crack of dawn?"

"Very funny, Sasha. I'd better head inside before my Mom comes looking for me."

She opened her door, hopped out, and put her gym bag over her shoulder. "Goodnight, Sasha."

He smiled at her. "Goodnight, Payson."

She shut the door and started to walk toward the house. Just as he was putting the car in reverse she turned around and mimed putting the window down. He pressed the button and as soon as it was down she spoke. "I like Coco Pops."

"What?" He was confused.

"I like Coco Pops for breakfast. Do you mind if I bring the box with me tomorrow and keep it at your trailer?"

He shook his head while smiling and laughed. "Sure. Now go to bed."

She rolled her eyes and walked into the house. He watched her go this time, only driving off when he could no longer see her. He couldn't wait until tomorrow morning.

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The next day, everybody just knew that something must have happened to Payson. She was in a good mood. Gone was her fake smile, replaced with a genuine aura of bliss. She flew through her routines and it was agreed that she had never looked better. It appeared she had finally realised she had what it took to be an artistic gymnast.

Nobody dared ask what had happened. But after completing her floor routine perfectly for the first time, Sasha lifted her into his arms and spun her around reminiscent of the night she had first kissed him.

It was in that moment that everyone had a sudden realisation. Payson Keeler was really back.

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AN: Hope you like it. Feel free to leave a review :)


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